Are you feeling like you've hit a wall? Do you think you've failed at everything you've ever tried? Don't worry, friend! You're just on pause. Like, have you ever seen those fancy coffee shop machines that just stop working for no reason? Yeah, that's you right now. Your life is just a fancy machine that's paused on you. It'll turn back on when you least expect it.
Techniques for the Inept: A Guide to Pausing Your Life and Rebooting with Style
Or, if all else fails, you can always Technique 4: Call an Uber and Pretend You're a Famous Artist (results not guaranteed, but you'll at least get a nice ride)